A Shadow of Guilt Page 11

  ‘But it does matter,’ he insisted softly, coming closer. ‘You see, I don’t like you thinking that I could be insensitive enough to order you something as intimate as underwear via my secretary. After all, how would she even know your size?’

  Gio continued. ‘I have severe dyslexia. It’s a condition I’ve had to learn to live with all my life and thankfully there is now a plethora of software out there to help people with my condition. That note was dictated by me, into a very handy machine which then printed it off, whereupon I signed it with my customary signature of G because it’s simply easier. And distinctive to anyone who knows me.’

  Valentina’s arms were crossed so tightly across her chest now she feared she might cut off the blood supply to her brain. Gio’s mention of his dyslexia was throwing up memories of Mario sitting patiently beside him, laboriously working through homework assignments from Gio’s expensive prep school. She’d forgotten. And didn’t like the reminder, or the tender urges that came with it.

  On jelly legs Valentina went to the door and opened it wide and stood back. ‘Thank you for that explanation. I appreciate it. I’ll return the dresses tomorrow and buy something suitable. I’d just like it if you left now. Please.’

  But Gio didn’t appear to be listening. He was pacing back and forth and then he stopped suddenly and turned to face her, something so carnal and stark on his face that her whole body went slowly on fire.

  ‘The fact is that I did buy those dresses for a reason … and it wasn’t because you weren’t dressed appropriately. It was because I wanted to see you in them. I bought the underwear too, and I imagined how it would fit….’

  Valentina felt faint; her sweaty hand nearly slipped off the door handle. All she could feel was searing heat and all she could see was Gio.

  He came towards her before she had time to react and pushed the door closed again behind her and locked it. Valentina was trapped against the door but had a curious inability or wish to move. She could only look up at him and ask redundantly, ‘Why?’

  Gio’s arms were braced either side of her head. His whole body was caging her in. His scent, his proximity … Valentina couldn’t move, couldn’t think straight.

  ‘Because of this.’ And then Gio bent towards her and, without touching another part of her body, pressed his mouth to hers, and the world went on fire.

  It felt like aeons later when Valentina surfaced from the kiss to look up into Gio’s dark green-flecked eyes. Her lips felt swollen. His hand was on her waist and she was clinging to his shirt; it was bunched in her hands. She hadn’t even been aware of doing that. She could see herself reflected in his pupils, a tiny figure, and suddenly she remembered the excoriating rejection of the other night, how she’d vowed to him and herself that she wouldn’t let him touch her again. She’d just broken that promise with little or no persuasion.

  Disgusted with herself she let go of Gio’s shirt and pushed away from him, and tried to ignore the way the beat of her blood was calling her back to him like a magnet. When she felt able, she turned around and wrapped her arms around her body in an unconsciously protective gesture.

  She looked at Gio with huge eyes. ‘I can’t do this with you. I won’t do this with you. With anyone else but you.

  ‘After all,’ she reminded him bitterly, ‘I’m still a virgin, Gio. I haven’t managed to offload that burden yet.’

  Fire and rage rushed through Gio with frightening force, at the very thought…. He ground out with an almost savage intensity, ‘And you won’t … with anyone else, except me.’

  He came towards her and Valentina stepped back holding out an arm, as if that could stop him. Fires were racing all over her skin at the way he’d just sounded and the look of intent on his face. The magnitude of what could happen here if she let it. And how much she wanted it. Valentina had to fight it. She called up how it had felt when he’d handed her that robe and avoided her eyes. I don’t sleep with virgins.

  ‘Wait.’ Her voice shook. ‘How dare you suddenly decide that you’ve got any kind of right to make such a statement. You were very clear in your rejection the other evening.’

  ‘I didn’t want to reject you.’ Gio’s voice was rough and husky, weakening Valentina’s resolve. ‘Walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I did it because I knew if I’d taken you, you would have woken afterwards and despised me even more than you already do.’

  Those words lanced her deep inside. She thought he’d rejected her because he just didn’t want to sleep with her enough. She felt like an abject fraud because, if anything, she might have despised herself for being so weak, not him, but this was her only defence against Gio now. She tipped up her chin. ‘And what makes now any different?’

  ‘What makes it different is that I’m willing to risk your hatred because I want you too much. I’m not strong enough to stand back and watch some other man become your first lover.’

  Valentina saw Gio’s hands curled to fists and felt his very tangible passion. The thought of some other man touching her, kissing her, almost made bile rise from her gullet.

  Without Valentina realising it, Gio had come closer. He reached out a hand now and cupped her jaw, his fingers trailing against her neck where she could feel her pulse beating almost out of control.

  He just said, ‘You want me … you can’t deny it, not here and now.’

  ‘I …’ she croaked and stopped, feeling seriously out of her depth. She couldn’t deny it. To deny it would be to utter the worst of falsehoods. Gio knew it. She knew it.

  And in that moment she also knew that she was tacitly acquiescing because she had no choice. This had been building and building between them from the moment she’d seen him at the wedding just weeks before. And a long time before that, a small rogue voice insisted.

  Gio smiled and it was unbearably bleak. ‘I’m giving you full permission to despise me all you want in the aftermath, Valentina, because I know you will. At least this way there can be total honesty between us. It’s physical, that’s all.’

  His acceptance of her antipathy made something ache inside Valentina, but the promise of no emotions also freed something. She knew she could never love someone and risk losing them again, the way she’d lost Mario. Something pure and innocent inside her had been lost for ever that night. The grief was too deep, too raw. Gio was too inextricably bound up with pain for her, and guilt. The guilt of the shameful secret she was still too cowardly to acknowledge.

  The shadow of Mario’s death was too long. But she wanted him. She’d never connected with another man on such a visceral, physical level. This would burn out, it had to. Intensity like this couldn’t last….

  As if reading her thoughts, Gio said, ‘This will burn out, and when it does … we’ll move on.’

  We’ll move on. Valentina wondered if they really could move on, find some kind of closure. For a long moment nothing was said. Valentina looked into Gio’s eyes until she felt as if she were drowning. And then she felt some great resistance she’d been clinging on to dissolve within her. She couldn’t fight this.

  She put her hand over his on her jaw and turned her face so that she could press a kiss to his palm. She closed her eyes but she could feel the tremor that went through his body, or was it hers? She couldn’t tell.

  Gio moved closer to her, putting a hand to the small of her back, and tugged her closer. Valentina sent up a fervent prayer that they could move on from this, because she didn’t have the strength to stop now. And as his mouth met hers and she melted into him and his kiss, it felt so right.

  Gio was trying to curb the rush of desire sending his brain into a fiery orbit. Valentina felt so unutterably good in his arms. Soft and pliant and curvy. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and he could feel the thrust of hard nipples. Letting his hand drop he found the sweet curve of her bottom and cupped it, softly at first and then harder when he felt the instinctive sway of her hips towards him.

  Victory was heady and he was rapidly getting
lost in the nectar of the sweetest kiss. As sweet as it was though, he wanted more; he wanted harder, darker. He wanted to be inside her, and he had to be careful. She was innocent. Exerting extreme self-control Gio managed to somehow break the connection and pull back, almost groaning when he saw how long it took for Valentina to open heavy-lidded eyes, their dark depths even darker, pupils huge. Her lips dark red and swollen.

  ‘Let’s take this slow … OK?’

  Valentina sucked in a breath, trying to force oxygen to her short-circuiting brain. That had just been a kiss and a relatively chaste one and already she felt as if she were burning up from the inside out.

  Before she could articulate anything that might sound vaguely coherent Gio was taking her by the hand and leading her into the bedroom. He pushed her back gently towards the bed and she collapsed onto the edge to find him at her feet, those big capable hands moving up her legs and under the dress.

  He looked up at her for a second. Lord. Valentina could feel her lower belly muscles clench hard. She couldn’t speak, could only watch as Gio’s eyes went back to her legs and watch how they cupped behind her knees before inching ever higher, pushing her dress up inexorably until her legs were bared.

  Gio’s cheeks were flushed and Valentina felt the warmth of his calloused palms move up until they cupped her buttocks intimately. She gasped. He was right between her legs now, pushing them apart. She half collapsed back onto the bed, her elbows the only thing holding her up.

  Gio looked up at her and said throatily, ‘Trust me?’

  Valentina bit her lip and after a heated moment nodded her head. Without taking his eyes off hers Valentina could feel him lift her gently so that he could push her dress all the way up; now her entire lower body was exposed to him. For a fleeting second she wished ardently that she was wearing one of the impossibly delicate lace panties and not her very plain black ones.

  But she soon forgot about that when she felt Gio’s hands find her panties and slowly start to move them down and Valentina felt herself lifting her hips ever so slightly to help. Somewhere she was aware of a shocked part of herself wondering how on earth she was letting this happen. With this man? When only minutes ago she’d been trying to throw him out of this room. But like a coward she blocked it out; this growing, pulling desire in her body was too strong.

  Gio pulled Valentina’s panties off and threw them somewhere on the ground; now she was exposed to him completely, her dress bunched up over her waist. They seemed to have passed go and gone straight to level one hundred but all Valentina could see was the way Gio was looking at her with such awe and reverence, his big hands now on her thighs, spreading her for him.

  He bent and pressed kisses along her sensitive inner thighs and she could feel the bristle of his stubble. It enflamed her nerve endings and she squirmed against his mouth, only to have his hands tighten on her, silently ordering her to be still.

  His mouth was getting higher and higher, rising inexorably to the apex of her legs where she felt so hot and yet indecently damp. When his breath feathered there Valentina’s elbows gave out and she collapsed onto the bed, just as Gio’s mouth found her and she felt his tongue touch her moist cleft.

  She had to put a fist to her mouth and bite down hard against the pleasure he was now wreaking on her body with such shocking intimacy. He was licking her, tasting her and ruthlessly pushing those legs apart when they wanted to close against this exquisite invasion.

  And then she felt his tongue opening her up to him, exploring and stabbing deep inside, tasting her very essence. Valentina felt faint. A finger joined his tongue, pushing and stretching. She could feel her hips moving against his mouth, seeking more, a deeper penetration. She felt so stretched and yet unfulfilled and wanted more. A tight feeling was coiling deep inside her, getting tighter and tighter, making her move even more restlessly.

  Then she felt two fingers, pushing deeper, and his tongue found and circled her clitoris with ruthless sucking intensity until Valentina broke free of the building tension to soar high to a place she’d ever seen before. Waves of pleasure more intense than she could have ever imagined broke through her and over her. It was so stupendous she couldn’t even cry out, absorbing it in shocked silence, biting into her fist even harder in a bid to contain what she felt.

  As she floated back down into some sense of reality Valentina became aware that she was still throbbing in spasms, deep inside her. Her fist fell from her mouth, too heavy to hold up any more. Gio’s hands were gone and she looked up languorously to see him rise up like some kind of avenging God to rip open his shirt to reveal that magnificent chest. His eyes burnt into hers, and his hands went to his trousers, making quick work of his belt, buttons and zip.

  Valentina couldn’t even lift her head, it felt so heavy. She was aware of being displayed wantonly towards him but couldn’t drum up a sense of shame. Not after what she’d just experienced. She’d never known it could be like that ….

  ‘I want to see you,’ Gio muttered thickly, finding her hands and pulling her gently upwards. Valentina sat up and felt light-headed. Gio was pulling her to her feet and found her zip, yanking it down, and taking her dress with it so that it dropped at her feet with a soft swishing sound. Now she stood before him in nothing but her own plain bra and Gio’s dark eyes were molten as they looked her up and down.

  To her surprise, Valentina could feel some of the delicious lethargy move and shift, dissipate, so that she was being infected by a rising sense of tension again. It coiled deep inside her. Gio was naked and she looked down to see his erection thrusting towards her. Instinctively she reached for him, wanting to touch him, and wrapped a hand around his thick impressive length.

  He breathed deep and his hands tightened on her arms where they’d gone to steady her a moment ago. Valentina was fascinated by the feel of him under her hand; he was like steel encased in velvet, infinitely strong and hard and yet so vulnerable. She looked up and her hand stopped when she saw the stark and almost feral need imprinted on his face. She gulped.

  Gently he took her hand off him and said, ‘I don’t know how long I can last if you touch me like that. And I need to last—this is your first time….’

  Valentina’s heart seemed to miss a beat. Her first time, here with this man. The reality suddenly hit her, along with the very fervent assertion that she didn’t want to be anywhere else. That threw up all sorts of emotional contradictions within her and to drive them down where she didn’t have to analyse them Valentina stepped up to Gio and put her hands on his face.

  ‘Gio …’ Her voice was husky and rough. ‘Make love to me.’

  Her words hung in the desire-saturated air for a long moment and then Gio wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, driving his mouth down onto hers and kissing her so thoroughly she felt dizzy with need.

  Valentina was barely aware of Gio undoing her bra so that it dropped to the floor between them. She only came back to her senses when she felt herself being lowered back onto the bed and looked up to see Gio hover over her on two hands, huge and dark and devastating. Shoulders broad, chest wide, hips narrow and lean. And lower, where the trail of very masculine hair ended, jutted his arousal. Valentina’s eyes widened. She could see a pearlescent bead of moisture at the tip of his erection and her lower body clenched in instinctive response to such a display of male virility.

  Gio started to press his mouth in a series of hot kisses all the way up from her belly to her ribs. Valentina held her breath. After an achingly long moment she felt him stretch out beside her on the bed and he cupped one breast, before his breath feathered over the distended tingling tip and he drew it into his mouth. The sheer sensation of that torturous delicious tugging sucking heat made Valentina’s hips buck off the bed, her feet desperately searching for anything to dig into.

  When Gio’s mouth went to her other breast Valentina was nearly sobbing aloud from the sheer pleasure. She could feel heat gather between her legs, and as if guided there by her mind, Gio
’s free hand gently pushed her thighs apart, as he sought access.

  Valentina was too incoherent to stop him. With skilful precision, Gio parted her thighs wider and his fingers found the aching core of her body, fingers stroking and spreading her moist arousal. Valentina’s hands clutched at Gio’s shoulders, fingers digging deep into satin skin, dewed with sweat. Their combined scent, musky and tart with desire, only served to make her feel even hotter.

  Gio took his mouth off Valentina’s breast and moved up to her mouth. She met him blindly, tongues lashing together as need mounted. She could feel a tremor run through Gio’s body beside her and had a fleeting sense of just how much he was holding back. As his tongue delved deep into her mouth, his fingers thrust inside her, deeply intimate. It was so sudden and yet shockingly arousing that Valentina gasped against his mouth. Tiny waves and tremors of another incipient orgasm started up and she drew back to look up at Gio in wonder. His eyes were black, molten. No more green flecks.

  His fingers slowly started to move in and out. Valentina could feel herself being stretched and on the periphery of the mounting excitement and pleasure was the slight tinge of pain.

  ‘I want to prepare you … make sure you’re ready for me.’

  At that moment Valentina felt Gio’s arousal, heavy against her hip. Long and thick and hard. She sucked in a breath as his words sank in. ‘Oh …’

  ‘Yes …’ He smiled wryly. ‘Oh …’

  As Gio’s fingers picked up pace though, Valentina quickly stopped being able to rationalise anything. Her hands clutched at his shoulders again and her head went back, hips raising of their own accord. She moved them restlessly, seeking something … more.

  ‘Gio …’ she whispered brokenly. She felt something give inside her. It was a fleeting moment of sharp pain and Gio pulled his hand away. Valentina looked at him, blinking. Her body was still crying out for his touch, despite the pain.